I’ve read the books, taken the bump pics, worried about sleeping on my back and fretted over little movements. I've got overexcited over nursery plans and teeny-tiny outfits. I imagine this is all pretty standard stuff for any expectant mum? It's still a little bit of a shock to the system to be reminded that I still have cancer.
With the start of the third trimester came the knowledge that sooner rather than later I'd be called up
for another cystoscopy. We were all hoping that there would be no more need for follow up treatment, at least until after he was born, but as I mentioned in my diagnosis blog post that is unfortunately not the case.
It's funny how just the idea of that upcoming appointment starts to mess with your head. You try and ignore it but in the middle of the night you find yourself questioning whether the hot sweats that woke you up were pregnancy related or something more sinister. Do I need the loo more because baby is dancing on my bladder or is it the start of the tumours coming back? Where did my energy go again, is it normal to be this wiped out due to the baby doubling in size?
Like I said I have nothing to compare this to so I have no idea what is 'normal' and what could be cancer. I know the drill by now, the worst part is always the waiting. Luckily we didn’t have long to wait in the end. After a rather stressful week chasing various departments it turns out my appointment hadn't been booked in. Despite my urology consultant and obstetrics consultant both keen for the check-up to go ahead it turns out it was difficult to find a urologist who was willing to perform the procedure on someone pregnant. Luckily I have some amazing doctors watching my back and within two days I received my appointment for first thing on Friday morning.
This weekend has mainly been spent processing after receiving mixed results. The cystoscopy was pretty much identical to my first one, only Tom was allowed to stay with me right up until I went in to the room. I was also visited by another obstetrics doctor who let me listen to little boys heart beat both before and after the procedure, making me feel very special and all in all I felt very special and well looked after.
The cystoscopy itself was slightly more uncomfortable than before because baby really was pressing down on my bladder as hard as he could at the time. But again not painful and it was over in around 5 minutes. The only other difference is I’ve been put on a hefty dose of antibiotics for a couple of days just to make sure I don’t get any infections.
We were obviously hoping for an all clear at this stage, the sooner bladder cancer recurs the more likely it is to keep doing so and unfortunately 3 new tumours were found. The good news though this time is that they are very very tiny (all less than 5mm) and even more positively the urologist said there was a possibility they could be benign.
They obviously won’t know anything until after they take biopsies so I’m trying not to get my hopes up too much. We will have to wait until after I’ve delivered to do any more investigation and ideally these tests need to be done mid November before another TURBT operation and a 6 week course of chemotherapy to follow before Christmas. So now we’re waiting for our next meeting with my obstetrics consultant to discuss making an official date to meet our little guy.
All in all it’s not necessarily the result we wanted but nobody said this was going to be easy or straight forward. Luckily no matter what it is our little man hasn't been effected by any of it so far and hopefully that remains the case.
I'd be lying if all of this didn't get to me from time to time, but whenever it does I try to remind myself how lucky we have been so far and how much worse it could be. I’ve read stories from other mothers who've been through so much worse than us, having to face the prospect of chemotherapy during pregnancy and all sorts of other horrible things. I feel very lucky and a little guilty that I wont have to go through that ordeal. This pregnancy isn't typical but what pregnancy is. This is our normal and we will deal with it one day at a time.
Sorry for the long post, if anyone wants more info on cystoscopy I’m happy to discuss (just DM me) I know I spent some time freaking out about it before I had one, but the procedure itself is pretty painless, very quick and you can leave pretty much straight after.
Thanks for reading :)
Katie xxx
sorry to hear you have some new tumours, but always concentrate on positives, that they are small. I think there aren't really any norms, a first pregnancy can differ to a second, one woman's first pregnancy is not the same as another. I am relieved that due date not so long off now, so can hopefully deal with your bladder properly. I can't advise you on your chemo as will be different to mine, only that it is never good, but equally once it is over the experience fades, your hair grows back (if you lose it) and you feel better. Thinking of you xx and niggles are worrying and always worth mentioning to Drs.
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