Blindsided...

What a fucking day! or should I say week (and its only Tuesday) I woke up yesterday fully prepared to have my third and final round of BCG for this cycle, in fact I din't get the call from the hospital to hold fast until we were in the car on our way their. 

At first I thought it was a rountine delay with my sample being tested late,  thats definatly what it sounded like in the begging. So I went home and waited for the call to say everything had arrived and I was okay to make my way in. 

Having your own business makes medical things a little easier sometimes and a lot harder most of the time; but this time I decided to get my head down and get as much work done as possible in case there was a turbulant week ahead and we could accomodate any future changes of plan....I am not usually great with changes to plans but I think cancer teaches you to be more resistane, eithet that or it dosnt really give you a choice!

I fully expected us to be back to normal the next day (Tuesday) with treatment going ahead as planned, but there were more delays in the morning so I waited for a call back. After four hours and still nothing I decided to call back because that is a long time to go without drinking anything and my head was banging...I am not usually a pushy person either but again cancer has taught me that you have to be on top of your own treatment at all times and medical admin is a part time job in intself! ...still nothing. 

Eventually the call comes back but it is not at all the news I was expecting. Turns out I have a full blown infection brought on by the BCG treatment and everything has to be halted for the next two weeks whilst I take a huge course of antibiotics! After 23 treatments it finally caught up with me. 

Gutted is not the word, I was totally blindsided by this. I have been feeling quite run down recently since being ill a few of weeks ago...I have been in pain and pretty tired but again as a cancer patient undergoing treatnment you get used to a certain level of pain and discomfort most of the time, and the tirdness...well I have a four year old! 

I am so glad the infection has been caught early but I can't lie being back on antibiotics again is both triggering and really disapointing. This is the first time I have had such severe side effects from BCG and it worries me what that means for more rounds going forward. It also means my next cystoscopy will have to be pushed back again, something that makes me very very nervouse as it means no one will have had eyes on my bladder since mid October. Esentially this is as much of a mental battle as it is a pysical one right now and my head is not in a great place...

All in all I'm feeling a little bit worn out with the whole process...or maybe thats the infection talking!? I have finally admitted defeat and retreated to bed with a hot water bottle and a little dog for company. I'm hoping that after some home made food, full of veggies (pray for my gut bacteria whilst im on these antibiotics) and a good sleep I'l be back to myself again :) 

Thanks for reading. 

Katie :)