A few nights ago on Facebook I saw that Fight Bladder Cancer were asking people to sign a petition asking the government to place 'not all disabilities and illnesses are visible' signs on disabled toilet doors. This is an issue I can totally relate to, as I know so many others with bladder cancer as well as those with countless other illnesses will understand.
Its not at all glamorous but hey, I've already done my fair share of oversharing so why stop now! Over the year since my symptoms started I began noticing that I would need the loo a lot more often. It became second nature for me to suss out the nearest toilets where ever we went. In the last few weeks before my operation, when my symptoms really seemed to ramp up I found myself planning my life around easy access to toilets, or just not leaving the house at all.
Thankfully since my operation I don't have the same issues at the moment (with the exception of baby dancing on my bladder, which is a whole other mind game I can tell you!) but old habits die hard and sometimes I still find myself getting anxious about where the loos are located when we're out and about.
The last thing I want to worry about on top of all of this is coming face to face with confrontation or judgemental looks if I have to use the disabled toilets.
A week before my operation we were away with family and visiting a National Trust site in Northumberland. It was a hot, sunny, bank holiday weekend and the place was packed. I wasn't doing so well but determined to make the most of our weekend. I needed the toilet almost every half hour or so and due to part of a tumour breaking away I was losing quite a lot of blood. I wasn't in too much pain so I tried to take it all in my stride and keep one eye on the toilets at all times.
Eventually I could wait no more and made the trek up to the main house to go to the loo. The toilet block wasn't big and as usual the queue for the ladies was absolutely huge. The queue for the disabled toilet and the men's for that matter (why is that always the case?!) was non-existent. Scared of being accused of queue jumping by a 20 strong crowd of middle class, slightly annoyed looking women I didn't dare use it and joined the back of the line for an agonising 10 minute wait.
Once my turn finally arrived I realised that I wasn't feeling too well, I was still loosing so much blood and I began to panic. Was this definitely just down to the cancer, or was it something else. I needed the baby to be okay! In that moment I wanted nothing more than to be in the hospital already, being told everything would be okay. Instead of two minutes to collect my thoughts I was reminded of the large queue still waiting on the other side by small children banging on my door and trying to climb underneath. I collected myself quickly and left, luckily to head back home.
Looking back I should have definitely used the disabled toilet and not cared what people may or may not have thought. But in a typical British fashion I couldn't face the confrontation. The idea of having to justify myself or explain my condition to a stranger who has no right to know makes me feel angry, but in hindsight I bet they wouldn't have done it again.
I'm sure that there are a million more people with stories much worse than mine and these signs would be a great little reminder for people to think first. Maybe that person isn't just queue jumping, maybe that person is fighting a hidden battle that you know nothing about.
If you could have a look at the petition, sign it and even share it on social media that would be amazing!
Thank you so much for reading :)
Katie xxx
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